How in the hell did I end up with TWO children by a married man? It’s simple. Not paying attention.
All the signs were there. Sometimes believing the lies of him being single was just easier. It was easier than dealing with the fact that the information may not have been the truth. We, as humans, have a tendency to look past what we know just because we want to believe that who we see good in has reached their full potential. Then reality shows us otherwise.
Here’s why I was blind…
I didn’t obey God’s word.
The moment I began to be to disobedient, my gift of discernment went out the window. I couldn’t see anything before it happened. I had no sense of direction. I basically laid down in front of the car.
One thing we must do is be careful what we ask for. What we seek, we must continue to pray for. Cover your upcoming blessing. The enemy knows what we desire as well, although he won’t deliver it to us the way God will. God can bless the womb that carries the seed, but it was not Him who led us to fornication to make the child. For this, we must thank Him for his saving grace.
Had I obeyed, I would have eventually had a child. I’ve prayed for and affirmed motherhood for years. Even after I lost multiple pregnancies with my former spouse, I told God that I KNEW He was going to make me a mother. The problem occurred when I didn’t wait on Him.
Not waiting on God to align things in my favor beforehand, led to years of tears. My life has completely shifted. God’s grace has worked overtime because He has ensured that I didn’t leave a dead situation without life. I not only left a dead situation with my life, I left with two more.
Wait on Him. Although he is a God with amazing grace, I wouldn’t do it the same way given another chance. I would have waited on God to move a true man of God into my life. I would have waited on a commitment. I would have waited on marriage so that a husband would be around to help me with the children that we intentionally conceived together.
I’ve given an undeserving man some of his greatest gifts on Earth. Along with everything else I forfeited everytime I laid down to play with him, the chance to have a beautiful, stress-free, exuberant pregnancy in my lifetime went with it.
Although mothering two small children has been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in this season, I also know that the seasons change. I thank God for that.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord , thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV
