He left me to fend for myself and my children all alone. There was no warning. There was no conversation. There was no preparation. There was only the possibility that if things didn’t work out that he would still be around to help me because I have two of his children. Well, at least until I had given birth to our second child who we planned.
Nope.
Every other day I wake up and wonder “How am I going to do it?” I wonder, while pregnant and raising a toddler as a single woman, “How am I going to make it?”
Taking a huge leap of faith while three months pregnant, I quit my job of almost four years (w/ full benefits, great pay, and stability), left my house, and moved back to my hometown where on the other end, I would be racing to find new, long-term employment while he claimed responsibility of finding our new home.
Too much, huh?
The only thing my move back allowed me to do was see that something wasn’t right. I couldn’t “pull up” living five hours away like I did two weeks after I was back in the city.
Do I regret moving so swiftly on what turned out to be an empty promise? NO. Because I wouldn’t have been in the position to know what I know now. Do I regret giving him one too many chances? NO. Because the last chance gave me the baby girl that I now carry in my womb.
Honestly, the thing that hurts the most is the fact that this man knew he was lying to me and took me, my son, and my pregnant body through unnecessary changes. He knew every move before I made it and it never was it enough to say ” You know what? Here’s the truth…” or “Before you think further of leaving your job w/ great benefits and 12-weeks paid time-off maternity care, I’ve been lying to you, AGAIN.”
Never.
Not one single dollar was offered temporarily to help with the financial handicap that he helped put me in. (I’ll take my portion of the blame. I should have known better by now.) Its almost like… New Baby? What baby? Who did I leave pregnant, with a toddler, with bills, with no job, and no place to stay due to my lies and her believing them?
Hmmm.
He picked right on up with life: New phone number, back to the front of his church house, back to his job, back to his marital home, back to his family… like nothing ever happened.
God is currently working to repair what was broken in my life. I have a beautiful, spacious home, a new job, an up and coming prosperous business, an upcoming book release, and the babies aren’t missing any meals. God deserves all the praise. He is good.
These events are why the release of my upcoming book has to happen. These events motivate me to keep writing. Not for just me and my children, but for the sake of individuals who have and/or currently going through life-changing events wondering how they are going to put one foot in front of the other because it’s not easy!
It’s just me and God working this thing out. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. After this season, my faith will have been tried so hard that I will be unbreakable. I’ve never felt his presence more than I do now. He is asking that I do nothing else without Him. The worries that I once had will all soon be a thing of the past.
Ok, so what?…I was set up, set back, and left hanging.
However…
I still keep lots of love in my heart, a praise on my tongue and a prayer on my lips.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” Proverbs 31:25
Until Next Time…
-Alex