If I have to lose you to keep myself, so be it.
If what seems like the hardest decision of saying goodbye to you allows me to see more of myself, then I must.
Maybe had I just took a little more time to prepare my heart for what you felt was the logical way to love me, I could have accepted it.
It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the love you gave me…
That was just not the way this lifetime intended for you to love me.
You were meant to love me the way you expected love to be reciprocated.
You prayed for me. I prayed for you.
I wasn’t quite ready for you, but choosing you over the world, God knew I would do.
You weren’t quite ready for me, But GOD knew you choosing me over the world would be a struggle.
God knew we could find a balance in our imperfections…
Oh, what a beautiful struggle. So many hands had a grip on you from the very first day we laid eyes on each other. I desired to pull you up for air…Yet, somehow you felt like I was suffocating you more.
My heart wouldn’t allow me to give up the fight, yet my mind knew I had to let you go. Not because I wanted to, but because I wanted you to be able to breathe again.
It’s always so hard to watch someone you love go away. If only I could lose some of the memories too.
Healing together was working for us, until your wound grew a scab first. Then I was labeled as “a crybaby” and you became a “know-it-all”.
God knows it was so hard to release my grip. It was even harder to numb the pain.
After so many attempts at love in this lifetime, my biggest fear became leaving this earth without having someone next to me to comfort me in my last years, months, days, hours, minutes…
Ultimately, I feel I’ve spent ages staying open enough to receive solidarity from another human being.
I found out in those years, one can simply not love a person enough to make them conscious enough to receive it or reciprocate it. They have to be ready.
Learning your partner’s love language is the best gift that you can give yourself. Love your partner on purpose, their way (within reason, with boundaries).
A beautiful love story is a healthy one.
Don’t lose your identity attempting to give good, healthy love to the wrong individual.
If you have to choose you…
So be it.
