Over the last five months, I’ve witnessed individuals go from sitting next to me to practically becoming nonexistent; Some of those that I sat and broke bread with at some point or another completely turning their backs on me.
I realize that my story stirs the pot with the saints. It’s a very complicated (some would say messy) situation. You either love it or you hate it for the same reason- that it’s real. These are issues that occur within the church, yet we don’t address them. We pretend we don’t see/hear it, pass the basket, and wait to see what happens.
It was no coincidence that everyone else on my facebook friend list caught the story and the people I placed a personal title on had not. There was no, “Let’s talk.”, “Let’s pray together.”, or a simple “I’m here if you need me.”
This process has only singled out the real from the fake. It has highlighted who was/is a true friend/family or a foe. It has opened my eyes to things I would have never seen standing in the crowd. I needed complete isolation. I needed ZERO missed calls and text messages. I needed a completely open and available inbox that never received the message.
I realize that not every “leader” wants to lead you to your best destination. They don’t want to see you through it. When the check with your name on it is no longer at the bottom of the tithes/offering basket, your voice may or may not be heard.
Thank God, I knew Him before them. Cutting out the middle man, saves the cost. I thank Him for newly perfected vision. I’m able to see. No sin is clouding my judgement. I’m able to discern anything for what it truly is. I don’t know how it would ever be possible, but I consider myself: single, saved, and pregnant.
My past that I speak of consists of what I once did, not who I am. I’m perfectly imperfect. I love my every flaw that makes me who I am. I appreciate my courage and my voice. I don’t place an obligation to be heard, but a need to be respected nonetheless.
One day, the neglect I once felt will be forgotten. The very people who overlooked me will be forced to see me. If you’re looking towards heaven, I will be there. And if you’re not__/\__/\_______
To be continued…
“And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.” Matthew 14:32
Until Next Time…
-Alex