I dont remember when exactly in my adult life it started but as far back as I can remember, after I’m hurt by a person it’s hard for me to look them in the eyes. This would be the equivalent of short responses and/or fast hang ups.
For me, there is something about not wanting to hold my head and shoulders UP to the person who has let you DOWN due to the HIGH standard of where you held them.
Just as I was telling someone not too long ago, I’m at a point in my life where I just want to rip the band-aid off or pull the cord on anything that makes me feel in any kind of unsettled way. In my head, I just want to get the pain over with as quick as possible. Is this healthy? Not really.
I realize that I have to continue to pray for my patience and understanding to return fully. The past five years of my life have put me in the constant mind frame of “Nope. That doesn’t sound right, sis.” It’s just purely hard for me to trust ANYONE. This is due to my own personal experiences. However, that doesn’t make it right.
When I tell y’all that I cry on behalf of all women who have gone through HALF of what I’ve endured…I DO. It’s hard, sis. I feel your pain. I know the emotional and mental struggle can get real at times.
Your struggle is mainly between being open enough in order to receive some genuine vibes with good intentions while trying not to push it away -VS- holding back, guarding your heart to block attacks of someone who is just out to steal, kill, and/or destroy you. ⬅️ (This could be intentional or unintentional…Yet, it hurts just the same.)
From what I’ve gathered over these past years is the fact that you will never really know. Don’t think you’re about to be able to take what you’ve seen or heard from someone else’s situation in order to figure out who YOU are dealing with.
Just dont fool around and give ALL of you to the wrong person. Honey, you know you’ve been the BEST version of yourself to the wrong person because after all you’ve done, you feel like you don’t have anything left to give them but your exit.
Stop trying to validate YOUR worth. Know what you NEED. Know what you’re willing to accept. Know what you will NOT tolerate. Move according to whatever you are trying to cultivate.
There’s no solid formula to getting “back to you” and/or becoming your best self. You have just got to make your mind up to do it.
Shed those tears, PRAY, wipe your eyes, jump cute, then go do whatever it is that will feed your soul, make you happy, and/or thrust you to the next level. One foot in front of the other one, Momma…
Whatever your battle, you’ve already won.
NO CAP.
Until Next time…
-Alex
