As I carried my soon to be two-year old from the car into our home tonight I had a revelation…
We all are up to speed on the highs and lows of my life right now. We all know that the course of my actions have me in the least desirable of situations. I probably would have kept being hard-headed until something worse happened.
Moving on…
I got revelation that God knew what my sin would continue to be. God knew I would keep falling into the arms of a person who was completely having their way with me. God knew that I would keep an open ear to the lies. God knew that I would keep making plans that wouldn’t be fulfilled by a person who’s job was selling me dreams. God knew that I would have much of my time wasted, plenty of tears shed, and a broken heart. God knew all of this.
I’m a smart girl. I’m educated, witty, beautiful inside & out, outspoken, silly, straight to the point, honest, loyal, and I’ve actively been in pursuit to find God’s heart for seven years. That’s a solid combination of power.
Disobedience almost ruined me. I forgot all of the characteristics that I possessed. Drowning in sin, seeking to be loved the right way (<doesn’t even sound right, smh) almost took me off the path towards my destiny. The enemy baited me to love a married man. The enemy knew he was married. God knew he was married. They both could see what was happening. Had I paid attention and obeyed God’s word, my life would have been completely different.
I didnt, though. I let him start off with lies & excuses. His phone was dead often. He had practice with his gospel group most nights. His phone didn’t get service in his house at all. All excuses- things I wouldn’t dare ignore now. I believed it though.
Thank God that He is the most powerful, Almighty who will stand in our defense no matter where we fall short if we actively seek him, wholeheartedly. I may have been falling short, but I never stepped back from seeking Jesus. I stayed in prayer constantly. I prayed for the very answers I chose to ignore when God revealed them to me.
Because God Has the power to take what is meant for our harm and turn it for our good, I was blessed with my babies. It could have been worse with the type of person I was dealing with. I was dealing with a very dangerous human being. I say that because the actions he was out loosely committing were those that could effect his family and his livelihood. I could have been a female carrying something in my bloodstream that could kill him. That same something he would have been taking home to give to his wife. That same something taking parents from his children. What if I was the culprit and it wasn’t him? Simply asked, What if I was him? What if I was out seeking to destroy when he introduced himself? What if I didn’t care about his life or his future?
It would be too far-fetched to ask for thank you(s) at this point. For the first time, he is at home full-time, with his wife, with their children. She has open access to everything without him hiding his hands. She has what she wants and he still has her. Thanks, to a certain speed bump- ME.
Because, I was foolish enough to believe the things that came out of his mouth, It was easy to keep me bound with the right words. After giving him a good cursing out and him spending the night a few nights consistently, I’d be right back to where he wanted me- happy and quiet.
I call myself a speedbump because I slowed him down. My publicized story stopped him. No more games. No more playing with the hearts of vulnerable women. Instead of that nasty, unforgiving, flesh eating virus, I carry words and I press keys. I’m a writer. At the rate he was going he may have met his match one day who would have given him a dose of poison he wouldn’t have been able to give back.
Although, he left me for dead… I saved his life.
He can thank me later.
Until Next Time…
-Alex
