It’s a hard pill to swallow facing the harsh reality that a person you trusted with all of you could betray you in such high regard. You are praying for them, their situations, their children, as well as close and distant family while this person is preying on you. They don’t mean well. Their intentions aren’t good. They are using you to fill a void in their miserable, unhappy, mediocre life. They honestly could care less about your well-being and life beyond them. Their goal is to do the bare minimum to keep you at arm’s length for when things at home aren’t going so great.
A lot of healing has to happen after dealing with someone who was slandering and dragging your name through the mud to their family while you’re defending theirs to yours. You are literally speaking against any negativity that people are saying about this person while they are going around saying, “She’s crazy. That girl knew I was married. She won’t leave me alone.” That hurts. Talk about throwing salt on an open wound.
Can you imagine what it’s like…
House hunting with someone who goes home to his wife every night (obviously except for the few nights here and there when he was telling her a bold-face lie or she put him out for the night)…Making references to your future together with someone while they knowingly weren’t truly divorced as he claimed…Making life-changing decisions with someone who had no intentions of loving you the correct way…Planning an addition to a family with someone who knew they had a whole other family that lived 20 minutes away… Crying over a person who thinks nothing of your tears…Loving a person who was secretly confusing your child by secretly lying next to another woman other than his mother on the nights he was giving you a quiet night off without the baby to rest at his place…
While he knows…
The extra key on his key ring was the key that entered your house. The nice, new, name-brand clothes on his back, you gifted. The fun, care-free, young life without judgement that he wanted, you provided. The stylish cross-body purses his three daughters received on Christmas Day that one year, you purchased.
However…
The first child you bared with him, he wanted aborted.
The worse thing I did for his life was allow my son’s heart to beat. The time, money, laughs, hugs, kisses, prayers, uplifting motivation, intimacy you don’t get back. He left you and your baby on a hospital bed to possibly die while he crawled in bed next to his wife and powered his phone off. He allowed you to give up the things that made you who you are just to keep himself safe.
BUT…
I forgave him anyway. I believed he could/had changed after each heartbreak. I still loved him. I prayed for and with him. I cooked for him. I rubbed his back. I kept it cute at all times for him- never let myself fall off. If I had it, he could get it. I was loyal, never entertaining other men while we were “on”.
Here’s the ugly truth…
No matter what YOU do, to some people you will be prey to them. They see where and how they can control and use you and they go for it. They put their effort into keeping the upper hand on their situation. They help you because they see benefit in doing so. They don’t think about how the outcome will affect you when it’s all said and done.
This will help…
Breathe through it, digest the truth, pick up the pieces of yourself that you have left, and keep it moving. The enemy only wants to see you with your head down with eyes full of tears. Honestly, it is hard! But God is our comforter. He’s right there with the brokenhearted. He is a healer. He makes things brand-new, so embrace the NEW YOU that’s coming after the rain.
Until Next Time…
-Alex
