Alright. So we’ve been at this for a little time now. About five weeks actually. A lot of my peers would love to know how my timeline went.
As you know already I’m a divorcee of one year now, on the other hand, I’m a mother of a 3 month old. Yep, I hit the big three all in a row: Marriage, divorce, and pregnancy. Here’s the scoop…
I loved marriage. I love the thought of being committed to one person for an eternity. I love being able to share the things that are meant for you and another person – your soul mate. But see, here’s the deal: I wasn’t married to my soul mate. I was married to a person I loved enough to set my needs, my wants, my feelings and my happiness aside. Deadly, huh?
Take all of that away from a person and you are dealing with a person who’s breathing just to keep breathing. Someone who’s just killing time until that eventual nap in the grave, and a meeting with the Man Upstairs. I spent more of my days crying than laughing. I lost myself trying to please one person. I loved my husband. I loved the thought of us. I just couldn’t please him. Do you know how hard it is to please someone who can’t see any good in you? Exactly.
After fighting the good fight (and enduring 5 miscarriages), I chose my happiness over the never-ending bickering. I said goodbye to my marriage. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. This was the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. I had to deal with how God looked at me through His eyes. Ouch.
Do you know what? God told me He didn’t want me unhappy. That my husband and I were equally unhappy. We weren’t meant to be mated. This is why I encourage everyone to not settle in something you are displeased in. Neither I or my husband cheated or just got married to make others happy. We went into this with the right intentions, but there are some things you just can’t force.
I conceived my son a week after my divorce was finalized. I had no intentions of being pregnant. Eli was the farthest thing from my imagination. I wanted to live a little…you know what I mean? But, sure enough one month later I found out I was expecting the biggest blessing I would ever receive on this Earth. One night changed my life forever. I went nine months walking on eggshells because of my previous miscarriages.
Thank God – I had a flawless pregnancy, on top of only gaining 32 pounds and losing it all within five weeks postpartum. I was very healthy. I kept my faith active. My biggest ailment was heartburn, but have you seen that beautiful head of hair on that gorgeous baby?
If anyone reading this can trust me with a piece of advice, I would tell you to trust your heart while guarding it. You owe no one anything. We are meant to be happy. Pray. Stay selfless. Keep your faith. You and your soul mate will keep each other equally happy. It won’t be perfect, but you will teach each other a lot. Even if it’s just how to love one another. Your happiness will be their happiness. I haven’t gotten to that part of my story yet. Do I believe it will come? Why, of course. Timing is everything. I’m not perfect, but I’m worth it.
Until next time…
-Alex
