Two out of two pregnancies, Two out of two child births, 365 out of 365 days times three…
He claimed it to be love.
It was a supposed love that kept him keeping me waiting…
Now I realize…
Loyalty didn’t exist. Honesty didn’t exist. Monogamy didn’t exist. Respect for my time didn’t exist. Awareness of my heart didn’t exist. Regard to my future didn’t exist. Where was the love?
I honestly gave more than I could spare. I invested my last with hopes of a return with interest, but got nothing. Instead of focusing on myself, my career, and my future, I focused on our beautifully painted picture that he was so conveniently the artist of.
I try to imagine the days where I won’t look back on the hurt I never signed up for. I can’t yet see the day where I won’t resent him. My love didn’t cost one thing, yet now, I have to pay.
What always hurts the most when memory serves me correctly is that he selfishly kept me connected to him for the rest of his life when he is set to be spending his life with someone else.
If that was him showing me love, I’d hate to be someone he hates. Honestly, I’d hate to be him, because it appears he doesn’t know the difference.
I just pray he loves our children more than he “loved” me.
Until Next Time…
-Alex
